If your toddler cries, clamps their mouth shut or runs away every time you pick up the toothbrush, you are not alone. It is one of the most common things parents tell me in the clinic. The good news: it is a phase, and a few small changes make a big difference.

Here are the four tips I give parents most often.

1. Don’t make it optional
Brushing is not a negotiation. It happens every morning and every night, no matter what, just like bath time or a car seat. When children sense that brushing can be skipped if they protest enough, the protests get louder. When it is simply part of the routine, most toddlers accept it much sooner.

Keep the time and place the same each day. A predictable routine (pyjamas, brush, story, sleep) helps toddlers know what is coming.

2. Make it playful, not stressful
Your child picks up on your mood. If brushing feels like a fight to you, it will feel like one to them. Try to keep your voice light and turn it into a game:

• Sing their favourite song while you brush. One song is usually about the right length.

• Count the teeth, or count to ten for each side.

• Let them “brush” a soft toy or your teeth first, then it’s their turn.

• Let them choose between two toothbrushes. A small choice gives them a sense of control.

3. Distract, smartly
A short distraction can get you through the hardest days. A favourite rhyme, a funny face in the mirror, or letting them hold a toy all work well. The aim is not to trick them, but to shift their attention away from the struggle for those two minutes.

4. Try different positions
Sometimes the problem is simply the angle. Positions that work well for toddlers:

• Lap position: sit on the floor or bed, lay your child down with their head in your lap, looking up at you. You can see every tooth and they feel secure.

• Knee-to-knee: two adults sit facing each other, knees touching. The child lies across both laps, head toward the parent who brushes.

• Their favourite spot: some children are calmer standing on a stool at the mirror, or sitting on the sofa next to you. Experiment until you find what works.

What if they still cry?
Some crying is normal, especially between one and three years. A few minutes of tears is far better than a cavity that needs treatment later. Clean teeth matter more than two minutes of crying. Stay calm, finish brushing gently but thoroughly, and then give a big hug and praise. Over time, the crying gets shorter.

A few basics to get right

• Brush twice a day, morning and before bed. The night brush is the most important.

• Under 3 years: use a smear of fluoride toothpaste, about the size of a grain of rice.

• From 3 to 6 years: a pea-sized amount.

• Use a small, soft children’s toothbrush and replace it every three months or when the bristles splay.

• Parents should do the brushing until about 7 or 8 years of age. Children can “have a go” first, but an adult should finish.

• No milk or sweet drinks after the night brush.

When to see a pediatric dentist
If brushing is a constant battle, if you notice white or brown spots on the teeth, if gums bleed, or if your child seems to hurt while brushing, come in for a check-up. Sometimes a child resists brushing because a tooth is sensitive. We can check for early cavities, show you the best brushing positions for your child, and make the first visits fun and fear-free.

Parents, don’t give up. Every night you brush is a night you are protecting your child’s smile.

FAQs

My toddler cries every single time. Should I skip brushing for a few days?
No. Skipping teaches your child that crying works. Keep the routine, keep it calm and quick, and use songs or a different position. Most toddlers settle within a few weeks.

How long should I brush my toddler’s teeth?
Aim for about two minutes, covering every tooth surface: front, back and the chewing surfaces. For a very young child, a thorough one minute is a good start.

Is it okay to use toothpaste for a 1-year-old?
Yes. From the first tooth, use a rice-grain-sized smear of fluoride toothpaste. It is a very small amount and safe even if swallowed.

At what age can my child brush on their own?
Children can start practising early, but they usually lack the hand control to clean properly until around 7 or 8. Until then, an adult should finish the brushing.

My child only lets me brush the front teeth. What should I do?
The back teeth are where cavities most often start. Try the lap position so you can see inside, and brush the back teeth first while your child is still cooperative.

When should my child first see a dentist?
By the first birthday, or within six months of the first tooth. An early visit makes brushing advice specific to your child and helps them feel at home with the dentist.